I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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