It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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