Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So squirting runs in the family.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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