I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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