On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
