STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
