I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
