He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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