What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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