Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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