Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize