she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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