Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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