Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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