Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
