Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
