sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
