One girl and one boy is just not enough.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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