Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
