is your mom at the bar?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
