It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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