I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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