I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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