It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
