In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
