I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
