It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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