i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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