you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
