ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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