..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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