hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
