her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
