My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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