Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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