Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
