Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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