she woke up with a sticky ear
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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