You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
