I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
