i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize