Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
