Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
