your parents love me but you hate me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize