no, he came in my armpit
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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