Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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