I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
