i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
