So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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