it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
