I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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