I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
