Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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