I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
