The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
