Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
