Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
