just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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