No more Irish car bombs ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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