guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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