ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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