If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
