Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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