is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
