Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
